Thankful Thursday

It has been far, far, far too long since I've come to this page. Honestly, when I decided to blog tonight, even my computer had forgotten how to navigate to this page. When your browser forgets your blog address, it has been far too long.

These past three months have been ridiculous.
Ridiculously busy.
Ridiculously full.
Ridiculously demanding.

Seminary study.
An internship at a senior living community.
Work at church.
I preached at a "city wide" sunrise Easter service.

I took three ordination exams - each of which took nine hours to complete.
I was the speaker at a women's retreat.
Papers to write.
Sermons to preach.
Meetings to attend.
Class discussions to lead.

A member of my family spent two weeks in the hospital.
Our dog almost died - we still don't know what was making her so sick.
A former neighbor was involved in an extremely serious car accident. He is only 23 years old, but as a result of the accident, he suffered a stroke.
One of my dearest friends lost her son in a tragic drowning incident. He was 13 years old.

Did I mention that these past few months have been ridiculous?
These past four months have been the most challenging four months I have faced since I dealt with kanswer back in 2012 and 2013.

And I haven't even touched on all the mass shootings, flooding, tornadoes, the ongoing immigration crisis in this country, and unprecedented debacles related to international un-diplomacy.

But still.
But still.

There have been hawks and owls and hummingbirds and cardinals hovering near.
Irises bloomed in purple splendor on our front lawn.

I passed all three ordination exams. Four down - one to go!
The busiest term of my seminary career will be over in six days.

Our son graduated from college and was named an All-American tennis player in Division 2.
He is now in Europe on his post-graduation grand tour - having the time of his life.

My friendship with the friend whose son died has deepened even as our tears have flowed.
Three friends and I celebrated the twenty year anniversary of our writing group - four women who met at a continuing education course at a community college in Norwalk, Connecticut.

The sweet little dog is fine.
My loved one is doing much better.
Wholeness and healing actually are possible -
even in the face of what seemed like insurmountable odds a few short weeks ago.

My journal pages overflow with gratitude lists, prayers offered and answered, along with sermon ideas, question-provoking quotes, and email excerpts that remind me that there is reason for hope, joy, and gratitude - even in the face of what has sometimes seemed like insurmountable odds.

Earlier today, I heard someone ask if talking about oneself and focusing on gratitude isn't somewhat self-indulgent, selfish even. I suppose there may be some truth to that - especially if "talking about myself" becomes the center of all my conversations and "focusing on gratitude" becomes an opportunity for me to list all the great new stuff I have acquired. 

But if focusing on gratitude opens space for us to notice the small things - the wagging tail of the dog, the smile on the neighbor's face as he watches his toddler attempt those first steps, and the glow of fireflies in the last spring darkness - then what we may find, what I have found is that none of "the small things" is small. 

The boundless love of a dog is not a small thing. 

The freedom and joy experienced by a child learning to walk is not a small thing. 

The bounty in the supermarket produce department. 

The flow of water from the bathroom faucet. 

The buzzing sound of the hard drive as it backs up my computer. 

The beep of my cell phone when my good friend texts me every night before we both go to sleep.
These are not small things. 

This is the stuff of wonder, of love, of joy, and of hope. 

And I am enormously grateful.

On this last Thursday of spring, I am grateful for ceiling fans, air conditioning in my car, and sunglasses.

I am grateful for ice cubes, lemon slices, and bubbly water.

I am grateful for clementines, watermelon, and Trader Joe's sea salt and black pepper potato chips.

I am grateful for morning walks with my husband, followed by a cup of coffee with him.

I am grateful to be six years kanswer-free.

I am grateful for friendships that cross miles and time zones.

I am grateful for "the wonder of life and the mystery of love."

And tonight, right now, I am grateful that I figured out how to remind my computer that I used to keep a blog. I hope it won't be so hard to find my way back here next time. More than that, I hope my life will never again be so ridiculous - so ridiculously busy, ridiculously full, and ridiculously demanding - that I am compelled to wait four months between blog posts.