I'm Still Here

 I am still here. I am still alive and well. I have not forgotten about this blog. 

The truth is that I fell into the deep well of perfectionism. I have spent too much time in the past several years thinking some version of: "if I don't have something clear and precise to write, something clever and timely, something that EVERYONE will love, then I shouldn't write anything." So I haven't written anything. 

And also, I've been busy with work and life.
With trips and sermons.
With family and friends.
With caring for my community and self-love.
With one of the best things that has ever happened to me - the Montreat Youth Conference - last summer. 

Yes, I flipped a table during one of my keynote talks at the conference. It felt amazing. And anybody who had nodded off for a moment was suddenly wide awake again.

Life has been good and life has been hard.
It always is. It always has been. 

Covid happened.
Massive social and political unrest in our country happened.

My oldest child works in the Charlotte public library system and is healthy and stable and happy and in love. 

My youngest child graduated from college and earned a Master's degree and is healthy and stable and happy and in love.

I was ordained as a Minister of Word and Sacrament in the Presbyterian Church USA.  

At some point, I will stop procrastinating - stop worrying about perfection! - and create a photo album from that amazing day - July 11, 2021.

I fell while running up the stairs in my church in November. Got my foot caught in my clergy robe. I've been doing physical therapy for almost two months. I may never be the same, but I'm still here. 

My husband had a massive heart attack. He's doing well now - but we had a few scary days back in December. He may never be the same, but he's still here.

And ten days after his heart attack, I left for my first trip to Spain in more than four years. 

Below was the view from the balcony of my AirBnB.

I love, love, love the way they decorate the streets of Madrid during the Christmas and Epiphany holiday seasons. 

I am never happier than when I am in Madrid. And that was true again this time. 

I've been busy and cautious and joyful and anxious and happy and the world is on fire - and did I mention that I've been busy? What I now confess is that not one of those things is a valid excuse for paying so little attention to my writing and to this blog. 

As my life coach said to me, "Life is lifing."

I press on. I trust you will too.

I pray for peace, for health, for stamina, and for hope. Always hope. 

A dear friend, a sister to my soul, sent me this quote while I was in Spain - "And all shall be well. All manner of shit shall be well." 

It made me laugh. It made me nod my head. It made me want to come back here - back to the States, back to my home, back to my life, and back to this blog - and live out the truth of that - all of this shit shall be well. Some day. Some way. Somehow. 

I'm still here. Thank you for being here with me.