In the minivan earlier today...

Driving him to pick up newly strung tennis rackets. He's in the passenger seat next to me.
Driving her to school. She's in the seat behind him.
Twenty-five minutes each way; fortunately, their two destinations are only a few blocks from each other.

Me: I need a vacation.
Him: Nods his head.
Her: silence.
Me: No, what I need more than a vacation is a good wife. Do you wanna know why? What does a good wife do?
Him: Everything.
Me: Exactly, everything. I want a good wife for ninety days. I can't imagine what it would be like to discover clean laundry in my room and hot meals in the kitchen without having to cook them or clean up after them.
Him: So get yourself a maid for a month.
Me: No, I'd want a maid for 90 days.
Him: How much would a maid cost?
Me: I don't know, but it would be a lot. Or I could just get a good wife - and she would do everything, but she wouldn't get paid anything. Except for the gratitude and praise of her family.

Both of them: silence.

Me: That's your cue.

Him: What? I wasn't listening.

Me: (laughing) Exactly my point.

Me: (screaming) God, help me please!

I kept driving.