Monday, April 04, 2011

Enough already...

What I've done so far today - in no particular order:

1. washed dishes
2. folded one load of laundry
3. put another load in the washing machine
4. taken a bike ride with my children
5. driven my son to a friend's house
6. talked to my daughter about plans for her high school graduation
7. done some organizing in my study
8. written several pages for a talk I'm going to give to breast cancer survivors
9. downloaded several cds to my itunes library
10. answered phone calls
11. made phone calls
12. a devotional and discussion on spiritual mentoring with my children before they started their homeschool lessons
13. made my bed
14. worked in my dream journal
15. took my daughter to a local lab for bloodwork
16. cleaned the kitchen
17. took out the recycling and cleaned the two recycling bins
18. begun packing a few things for a women's retreat this coming weekend
19. prayed for a dear friend who is in Haiti this week
20. read a few articles of interest in the newspaper
21. checked out a few of my favorite blogs
22. listened to several chapters of the book of John on cd
23. read a few emails and responded to them

* 24. I've been reprimanding myself for "not getting enough done around here."
I've berated myself for not being efficient enough.
For not being a good enough mother.
For not being a good enough wife.
For not being a good enough daughter or daughter-in-law.
For not being a good enough friend or neighbor.
For not being a good enough speaker or listener.
For not being a good enough Christian.
Whatever any of that means.
Because, of course, I have no idea what "good enough" means or looks like.

Of course, now that I have taken the time to enumerate the things I have done already today, I'm proving that I'm not humble enough. So I can add that to my list of things I'm not good enough at... (If this weren't so true of my state of mind most of the time, I would think it was humorous. As I write this, though, I'm not laughing. Not even a little bit.)

Sitting still now, I am intentionally slowing down my heartbeat and taking a few deeper breaths. I am looking out the window that is behind my computer and gazing in amazement at the beauty of this day. I am listening to the silence of my house as my daughter and the dog take naps. As Daniel hangs out with a tennis buddy a few miles away. As Steve keeps his shoulder firmly pressed to the grindstone at a locally-based international bank that shall remain nameless.

Sitting still now, I am reminding myself that
I've heard all the promises.
I've read all the promises.
I've even taught these promises to other people - many times.

Sitting still now, I once again choose to let them in so I can live them out.

~ peace that passes all understanding
~ joy that is complete
~ grace that is abundant and amazing
~ companions for the journey
~ love that never fails
~ nothing I do will make God love me less
~ nothing I do will make God love me more

Breathe, Gail.
Enough already.
You have enough already.
You have done enough already.
You are enough already.
You love enough already.
You are loved enough already.

Enough already, Gail.

1 comment:

Karmen said...

I often tell my counselor that I feel as though I am not enough. Not doing enough, being enough, worth enough, etc. I always feel as though I am behind in life. That God is disappointed in me. Your words are healing. Preach on Sister, for me and for you.