Saturday, August 16, 2008

Where am I - really?

Two weeks ago right now, at 3:05 pm, we were at the Atlanta airport awaiting our flight to Managua.

One week ago right now, at 3:05 pm, we were at the Atlanta airport awaiting our flight back to Charlotte.

My spirit, my soul, lingers somewhere between here and there.

On a runway. In a pueblo. At an airport Starbucks stand.

Crammed in my seat with all my books and pens, my journal and my camera.

Standing in a open field. Or sitting next to a rock-strewn playground.

Following an endless stream of children to a church - where we would distribute 120 meal packs in a community of more than 150 families, my sorrowful tears for our inadequacy already beginning to flow.

Last March, I found THE poem that would address the way I feel now.
Thank you, Nikki Hardin, publisher of Skirt magazine.

flying home, starting over,
having soul lag, waiting for it
to catch up with my body, the
dislocation of being Here, There
Somewhere Nowhere, of being
between heaven and earth, of
flying and landing and waiting
and taking off and going in
circles, when every new wait-
ing room is filled with middle
of the night regrets and yester-
day's news and strangers and
you're a stranger too, flying
so far you break the barrier of
your own fear, flying so high
no one can reach you, flying
home and learning to kiss the
ground I step on every day.


jes said...

I read your comment on Amy's blog. I work in non-profit development as a grant writer, so I am on the computer and typing all the time. I also live far away from my family and some very close friends, so I am constantly e-mailing and writing letters. I have been worried about carpal tunnel for awhile-I worked for student papers/magazines/yearbooks in high school and college, my college major required me to write a lot of papers and essays, and I have been in non-profit development for almost 2 years now. I am trying to limit my computer use as much as possible...hence the limited, or non-existent, blogging at the moment. I also think a brace would help tremendously, and kind of hope that's what the doctor tells me this week! I'm very glad to hear the brace did help you! Did you have to stop writing while you were wearing it?

Amy said...

This was obviously a life-changing trip for you and Kristiana.I have a feeling you haven't seen the last of Central America, and I've do doubt this incredible experience will remain foremost in your heart and mind as long as you live.

jes said...

I never thought to consider the grip of my pen. I have to use very thin pens and grip them very hard. Perhaps I should train myself to use a larger one and hold it more loosely. I will let you know how everything turns out!

Laurie said...

I have been on many missions trips - Mexico, Honduras, and Peru. Three times to Mexico, once to Honduras and twice to Peru. I love the Hispanic/Latino people. When I see your pictures I am reminded of the places that God has sent me. Isn't life grand to look outside your own little world and see Him at work in other parts of the world. Thanks for posting on my website, by the way, it means a lot to me to know people are reading. Blessings to you, my friend.

Smell Goods Lady said...

Lovely photos

Lori said...

I can relate to the soul lag and the dislocation. Coming back from my 7th trip to Belize, working among the poorest of poor. I am wrecked, permantly wrecked. Take time, Gail to process.