Fires out west threatening to water supply and power grid of northern California.
Chemical warfare in Syria.
Ongoing wars elsewhere.
Our nation considering getting involved in yet another war.
Human trafficking.
Measles outbreaks.
Rampant unemployment.
Young people killing out of boredom.
Repealing of voting rights here in the South.
Food poisoning for a friend's mother.
Complications after another friend's breast surgery.
Kanswer.
Loneliness.
Depression.
Death.
A friend of mine fell down a flight of stairs over a week ago and has been hospitalized ever since.
Another friend of mine has been out of work since January.
And another for more than eighteen months.
Someone I love is watching her beloved dog, a family member for more than a decade, come to the end of his days on earth.
The pipe that supplies water to our house is leaking in our front yard, creating standing puddles of muddy water. We discovered that leak just a few days after discovering a leak behind the wall of my son's bedroom - a leak that has been happening since the house was built in 1988. We had to replace drywall, floorboards, carpeting, and pieces of a pipe that had been pierced by two nails.
My son's back is bothering him. Again.
The list of woes, ailments, pain, fears, and other forms of anguish is long and could be longer still.
I have spent too much time in the past few days trying to pump myself up:
all is well.
it's gonna be alright.
this too shall pass.
don't worry; be happy.
I have told myself to journal about it.
pray about it.
read the Bible; find comforting verses.
count my many blessings.
read other people's accounts of joy and peace.
do something kind for somebody else.
all of those things have helped... some.
And just when I start to feel a little better, I start to feel guilty for not being willing to feel bad. I tell myself things like: "You get to read and journal and watch television to temporarily escape your bad feelings. You get to talk to friends and pour your heart out in prayer and that helps too. Think about all the people who don't have the resources you have. Think about all the people who don't have friends or a partner or the inclination to journal or even a home in which to watch television. How dare you immediately seek a reprieve from your discomfort?"
I'm glad these difficult days are few and far between. Even as I type that, I hear that critical voice say: "See how blessed you are that this doesn't happen a lot?" That voice speaks the truth. But today is one of those emotionally volatile, fear-inducing, sorrow-producing days. I'm constantly on the verge of tears, so I'm gonna let them flow. I'm gonna let the emotions surge. I'm gonna make myself another cup of tea and sip it while I journal and pray. I'm gonna let somebody else worry about dinner tonight.
Is anybody else having one of "those days" today? One of those weeks? Months? Years?
I'll pray for you while I'm praying for myself and the rest of the world.
I like the way someone whose writing I love (Jena or Karen, I can't remember which) put it -
"Prayer is someone saying your name with reverence."
Or something even more beautiful and profound than that.
Today I will say names with reverence.
I will imagine the faces of people I love and offer up reverential prayers.
I will say my own name and look at my own face with reverence.
Cuz there is a lot of bad stuff happening in the world right now.
And I'm having a tough time holding it together today.
Plus we all could use some reverence, prayer, and gentleness when our names are spoken.
I hope to meet you back here tomorrow with a list of things I'm grateful for.
After all, it will be Thankful Thursday.
* Please send me an email (gailnhb@yahoo.com) if you want me to pray for something specific.
Or if you want to share something you are grateful for.
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