But Not Only That...

I have a confession to make. 

I've been scared a lot lately. Really scared. 

Scared of the weather - tornadoes, thunderstorms, drought, floods, wildfires, earthquakes - and that's just here in North Carolina. 

Scared of the growing water stain in our family room ceiling. We've contacted our plumber many times, but he's too busy at the moment.. for the past five months.

Scared of what's happening in our country and Gaza and India and Haiti and Sudan and Ukraine and beyond.

Scared of the tariffs and tax cuts and tax hikes and cuts to Social Security and the ongoing onslaught of overwhelm.

Scared for immigrants and LGBTQIA+ folks and poor people and international university students and all the federal workers and farmers and researchers and professors who have lost their jobs.

I've been scared a lot lately. 

But not only that, I've been grateful.

Grateful for the big ways and the small ways that thousands of us, millions of us, are stepping in and speaking up and welcoming and protecting and loving on the folks being pushed and pulled and deported and disrespected.

Grateful for the friends and companions on my life journey who have told me over and over that they've got me, so I don't have to be so scared all the time. 

Grateful for the text messages and phone calls and FaceTime calls filled with photos of happy babies and people in love and delicious food and beautiful cocktails and outstanding outfits. 

Grateful for the folks who repeatedly remind me that this is a long haul we're on, and that, ultimately, we will win. Because Love wins. Because the people, united, will never be defeated. Because hatred and fear and oppression and injustice are not and do not have the last word. 

I've been scared a lot lately. 

But not only that, I've been hopeful. 

Hopeful because of all the work being done to feed the hungry, here and abroad, to care for the sick, to visit the imprisoned, to reunite split families, to house the unhoused, and to come up with more ways to do all of the above, more and more. 

Hopeful because, despite the rise in violence, hatred, and fear-mongering, grace and mercy and love are still on the loose. 

Hopeful because preachers are still proclaiming messages of defiance and courage and faith and hope. 

Hopeful because my family is so good and so loving and so funny and so kind - and we aren't done with any of that yet. 

Hopeful because who am I and what am I and how could I live without hope? 

Yes, I've been scared a lot lately.

But not only that, I've been surrounded by love. 

I lost three people dear to me in the span of six weeks - my mother-in-law, a sister-in-law, and a friend I'd known for more than 25 years. Deep sorrow. Deep grief. And also so much love. So many messages of support and tenderness. So many reminders to let my tears flow and ALSO let my love for them flow along with the tears. 

I've been held up by love. I've been hold close by love. 

I've been reminded that Love is the only way we are going to get through all that we are facing now. 

We have to love ourselves and our closest companions personally and persistently.

We have to love our communities by speaking up and acting up for righteousness, justice, and peace. 

But not only that, we have to love those who think they are our enemies. As Valarie Kaur says, we have to be willing to be curious enough about them, their lives, their stories, their fears, their worries, and their yearnings. And then we have to find ways to love them towards their own wholeness and healing - which leads to our collective wholeness and healing. 

Is that easy? Nope. 
Do I know exactly how to do that? Nope. 
Am I doing that on a consistent basis? Nope.

But this I do know - I've been scared a lot lately.
And I'm sick of being scared all the time.
I'm sick of being nervous all the time.
And the only consistent way for me to shake myself loose from the grip of fear is by finding something or someone for which to be grateful.
Finding something or someone that renews my hope.
Finding something or someone to love. 
By doing what I can, in my lane, in my sphere of influence, to live and share Good News. 

What about you?
Are you scared a lot these days? 
What's your "not only that"?

Can I ask you a question?

Actually, it will be several questions.
I have thousands of questions at the moment.
Most of them begin with "What the...???"
But those aren't the questions I will ask this time. 

This time, I will ask - what is nourishing your body these days?

What is nourishing your soul? 

What is bringing you joy in the midst of the chaos? 

I am being nourished by time with friends these days. Over lunch. On walks. Via text and email and video chats. 

I feel great joy when I spend time with family. I went out to Oakland, CA, to visit a niece, her husband, their beautiful son, and my (ex) sister-in-law who is still a dear friend even after divorcing my brother. Another of my brothers came to Charlotte this past weekend - and it was great to see him and catch up in person. 

I am being nourished by clementines and apples and cashews and Trader Joe's chocolate covered peanuts and decaf coffee and kombucha.

I find joy in the invitations to teach and preach and lead retreats and speak words of encouragement and hope into the lives of co-travelers on my life's journey. 

I am being nourished by prayer and reading and journaling and reading old journals. I've seen a lot and experienced a lot and miraculously, gratefully, I have survived it all. And I've got the scars and receipts and journals to prove it. 

More questions... 

What if the chaos being hurled at us from every direction is meant to cause us to forget that joy is our birthright, that peace is our birthright, that hope is our birthright? 

What if we are meant to be paralyzed by the fear that chaos brings up? 

What if we are meant to forget our power to resist and to collaborate and shed light in the shadowy valleys through which we are walking these days? 

To tell you the truth, I have struggled with fear lately. I don't usually have any problems sleeping, but I have struggled with sleep of late. I lay there, worrying, wondering how bad things will get, when the (long-term) onslaught against our democratic ideals will slow down (because this is NOT new in this country!), and when the tentacles of this current iteration of political evil will reach our family and upend our lives. It's a terrible way to get through the night. Truly dreadful. 

So I go back to what I have said and taught and preached for years now. 

I trust in your unfailing love. (Psalm 13:5)

For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth. (Psalm 71)

I have told you these things so that in me, you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble; take heart, I have overcome the world. (John 16)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4)

I lay there and plead - Lord, I need more peace these days. We all need peace. 

Hope of the World, I need buckets of hope. We all need hope.

Joyous and just Jesus, I need love and laughter and joy too. Please don't let us forget about love and laughter and joy. 

I'll ask you again, kind reader - what is nourishing your body, your soul, and your spirit these days?

Please do yourself a favor - cultivate those things.
Indulge in hope and joy in extra doses.
Make time for love and laughter.
Take exquisite care of your beautiful body, your unbreakable spirit, and your boundless soul. 

May you know peace, deep peace, peace that surpasses your understanding.
That's certainly what I'm reaching for and praying for and living into. 

May you remember that you are loved. You are chosen. You are cherished. 
So am I. So are they... all the people we all call "they".  
Because what if there is no "they"? What if there is only "us"??? 

What if we are all beloved of God? What if we are all chosen and cherished?
Call me naive, but I believe that once we all know our belovedness, then the fear, the violence, the hate will no longer be necessary. Because if I am beloved and you are beloved, if we all are beloved, then why would we need to hate each other or fear each other or mistreat each other or kill each other?
So  when I am awake in the midnight hour, I pray for peace, for justice, and I pray that we will all come to know our belovedness.