Thursday, June 28, 2012


Andrea Scher, one of my favorite superhero friends, wrote this piece a couple of weeks ago. I've  been mulling over it and chewing on it for three weeks. And finally, I am imitiating her fine work and creating a list of my own.

So without any of the questions that led me to these answers, here they are -

Because she's 18. Because he's 15. Because we've always homeschooled. Because I still don't want to let him go. Because she is the bravest person I have ever known. Because he's generous to a fault. Because I can't say no to any of them with any consistency. Because these two teenagers are the joy of my life and the bane of my existence. Because they are among my best friends. Because they tell me everything, everything... Because this is what I was born to do. Because I have to give them more space to be independent, to live their own lives. Because it's time for a lot of things to change.

Because I want to earn an income. Because being a homemaker and homeschooler has been great, but I'm ready for something new to do with my days. Because I miss depositing a paycheck. Because a dear friend who started teaching the same year that I did is now the head of a school. Because I know I can do it, I just want the chance to prove it to myself and others. Because I'm tired of doing the same stuff over and over. Because I feel selfish when I say I want to go away. Because it's time for a lot of things to change.

Because there is so much more to learn and experience. Because this isn't the only way to be a parent or a spouse or a daughter or a sister. Because there are always more questions than answers. Because there is always more doubt than certainty. Because there will always be room to question my choices and decisions. Because I am not afraid to learn new lessons and change my mind. Because it's time for so many things to change.

Because he doesn't understand where I'm coming from. Because she doesn't either. Because no one can ever understand what anyone else is going thru or where they are coming from. Because I'm tired of trying to explain. Because I am tired of always asking the tough questions and trying to figure out what is going on with them. Because I am afraid to tell the whole truth. Because the truth will hurt a lot of people. Because the truth will set us all free. Because there aren't any easy answers or solutions. Because the story isn't over. Because it's time for a lot of things to change.

Because twenty-one years ago tomorrow, a silly, funny, brave, moody, baffling, kind, generous man stood at the altar, looked me in my weeping eyes, and said, "yes" to forever. Because I have my own long list of impossible characteristics - I am impatient, demanding, critical, serious, disloyal, unrelenting, oppositional, stubborn - that he has withstood all this time. Because these have been the most difficult, most confusing, most frustrating, most heart-breaking, most amazing, awe-inspiring, heart-opening, laughter-inducing, travel-encouraging twenty one years of my life. Because he gave me the two greatest gifts that I could ever have asked for - our two children. Because he has never, ever, ever said or done anything to lead me to believe that he doesn't want to be with me forever and ever. Because as much as we drive each other crazy, we still make each other laugh. Because as much as I complain - and I do complain - I love my husband and my children more than I can describe. 

Because I am afraid so often. Because I am brave even more often.
Because I said I would. Because I said I wouldn't.
Because there is only one way. Because there are so many ways.
Because I love to laugh. Because I love to love.
Because I am so doggone happy to be alive.
Because there is so much to be grateful for.
Because love actually is all around us.
Because life is so good.
Because God is even better.

(Thank you, Andrea, for prompting me to write this. You rock, girl. You ROCK!)

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